She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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