I'm drive I can fine osifer
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize