Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
