I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
