Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
