sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
