I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
