Do vagina's smell?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
