I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
