Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
