my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
