When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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