I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My liver just broke up with me...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
