I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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