I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
