Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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