it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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