she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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