Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
