I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
