my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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