Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
