he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
