The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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