My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
