there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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