Michael Bay diarrhea
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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