She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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