I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
