I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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