i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
