We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
