Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
