It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
