now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
