guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize