People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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