Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize