I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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