So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
