I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
