i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
