i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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