my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
