is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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