Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
