areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
