He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
