My liver just broke up with me...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
