drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
false alarm, still single
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
