Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
