Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
