dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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