sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
