before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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