Cold hands, warm shart.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
