and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
