I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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