so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
