Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Blood and glitter go together right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
