Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
