I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
