I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize