I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
