apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Even my vagina gasped.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
